wagon rides

so I completed my first whole4. ha! it's supposed to be whole30, ya know. but four days was alls I could go. and then friday, saturday, sunday: lovin me some m&ms, beer, popcorn, battered and deep fried onion rings, chocolate pecan babka, ice cream, and on.

but that's the thing about wagons.

you fall off.

you get back on.

something's got to stick.

one teensy lesson learned: when I eat clean, I feel clean. doesn't matter what my weight or hairstyle or undergarment.

and when I eat like crap, I feel craptastic.

interesting, yes?

today i got on my little red wagon and had two scrambled eggs for breakfast. felt full before was finished so put half in the fridge (I'm pretty stuffed up of weekend-food-overload).

then did a workout sure to prevent boredom. ready?

warm up for 1/2 mile on treadmill

then do 400m. @ gentle speed (10 min mile) and 400 m. @ fast (8 min mile)

and keep alternating between the two for 10 minutes.

then 30 sit ups, 20 bench hip raises, 20 donkey leg lifts right leg, 20 donkey leg lifts left leg, and 10 push ups

and then do it all over again from the top with the treadmill, three times total.

yahoo I was sweaty. and you know what else is weird? my sweat was STINKY-GROSS. I mean I sweat all the time, and I haven't worn deodorant since college, and I am not usually stinky. this sweat smelled B-A-D. something else to think about.

I ate the rest of the eggs with feta later. riding the wagon.

role-playing

the coverstory of this week's RFT is paleo. they've printed a hideous cavewoman and a taunting headline. the story, in my opinion, is schlock. eight people in tower grove park lifting heavy things and throwing heavy things. the author diminished the entire lifestyle into a neanderthal role-playing game, complete with costumes and alter-egos.

much better, today's post on www.everydaypaleo.com entitled "the whole enchilada."

it's about living more healthy. it's about eating less crap. it's about walking more, laughing more, sleeping well, and worrying less.

how it all got boiled down to crawling through tower grove park on a friday night, searching for nuts and berries is beyond me.

so this week has been a bit of a wonder. I have shed four pounds. I had a night of really great sleep. I have come to see that i am drinking a lot of red wine to compensate for not crunching on chips and crackers in stress mode. on the other hand, I have not been crunching on chips and crackers in stress mode. I have walked a good deal. I have dipped a toe in and the water is not too bad. not comfortable yet, but not too bad.

there is much work to do, much more to untangle and learn. like, why is meat so dang disgusting to prepare? and what do I do with all of this grease that is splattered around the kitchen? and how in the world could anyone live without cheese? and where does all of this anxiety and stress come from? how can I better deal with it? the bottle of red wine isn't the best path to serenity.

I am empowered to find the answer to all of these queries. going to take a walk now.

news from the front lines

yesterday did not end well for a brand new paleo girl.

I had the usual temper tantrum with myself over wine with dinner, and the "whhhhhyyyyyy?" of dinner. I pressed on. ate an entire bag of sugar snap peas while frying/burning chicken breasts in a pan. the air was black and smoky, and the food, to be honest, not that great. but it was paleo, gosh darnit.

am I supposed to be white-knuckling through this whole thing?

there was a headache too.

and a snappishness.

and a hurrying of children off to bed.

and then a long night of tossing and turning and bad dreams.

could I really be that addicted? is this some kind of carb-withdrawal delirium tremens?

today was another day.

food:

lara bar

black coffee

salad with chicken breast, made at home

apple

and then, I got the call to mi ranchito. did ok though--too tired to eat really. one beer, skillet of vegetables, lingering headache.

all part of the war, right?

tomorrow my baby is seven years old.

change your breakfast, change your life?

I saw in a movie once a character cut her hair. "change your hair, change your life," she said, and I made it my own mantra. not that I really cut my hair that often. I just love the idea that I can re-make myself any time I darn well please. and short choppy bangs really serve my idea of one day becoming an international woman of mystery.

but now, I want to change my insides and my outsides. I'm getting too old to keep making the same stupid choices. I want to be strong and smile with ease and for real. I have been dipping a toe in changing some habits for like, years now, and not making any kind of lasting hit. like new haircuts, loving my unrecognizable reflection in the mirror for the first couple a days, and then back to the no-brush, lumpy side part I always roll out of bed with.

who knows if this new thing is gonna take hold? they say, stop eating CRAP and you will stop feeling like CRAP. but I can't really find a blog that lays it all out any more than, "just do it, dummy!" so I invite you along. to hold me accountable and also to be my hand-holders, and maybe, to join me and make changes too. we can get a back and forth going, or you can just be a voyeur. no pointing and laughing allowed.

today, so far:

coffee, of course.

some scrambled eggs with salt and pepper

and later:

a portobello mushroom (I sauteed it in a pan???? I have no idea what I am doing), topped with deli turkey and some avocado.

am I paleo? I don't know. do I feel awesome, strong, suddenly primal? not really. but I am glad I ate some clean food. can i keep this up to dinnertime? I honestly don't know. but I want to. we'll see.